I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
