Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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