so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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