I puked a lego.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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