sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
