I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
