Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
