Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it's like iHOP with fire
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
