My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
