i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
