I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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