I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
