drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
