Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
