i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
