Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
