Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
