My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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