Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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