fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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