Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
