so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
