I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
