Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Enjoy the penises
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
