Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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