Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
