Christians are straight up FREAKS
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
