Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
