guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
