considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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