My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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