while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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