his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
