I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
