mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
