Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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