it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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