Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
