Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
