69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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