It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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