like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
