Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
