if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I could make wine with my vomit
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
