I heard we made out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
