We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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