You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
