Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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