Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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