I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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