sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
