They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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