Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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